I'm finally starting to crank out the resumes. It's a tiring and dauntless task of perfectly aligned headers interspersed with active verbs and technical jargon to create the illusion that I'm the best candidate according to these four pages of matte cotton paper.

Resumes are tiring. But interviews are draining.

For each interview, I'll spend countless hours researching the company and the job. I'll google my interviewee... find out if he's part of the Kentucky Kennel Club... find out if she's a former basketball player... find out if they're Dungeons and Dragons buff posing as MasterSlayer42.

Just as a service to the three of you that read this... here are some interview tips... or rather... questions you shouldn't ask during your interview.

1. How many weeks do I get off each year to visit New Zealand and/or Australia. (This never seems to go over well with the Stateside bunch)

2. Are the work hours flexible enough so that I can go to the beach on a sunny afternoon. (Frankly, I think everyone that doesn't live near a beach tends to hate those who do.)

3. Would I have to work weekends when there is a Mardi Gras parade? (Not only do you appear lazy... but they'd never understand why anyone would celebrate Mardi Gras in the middle of May.)

4. Do you require employees to wear shoes to work? (While norm in AmSam... apparently the fashion of rubber flip flops for all employees has not yet caught on in mainstream corporate American.)

'nuff said.